I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I'm both gender and math confused
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
