When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
