is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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