I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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