my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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