then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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