"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
