i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
