He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
