We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
