I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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