My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
