I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
