my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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