dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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