I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
