bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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