Well apparently he's into motor boating.
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
MIDGETS
????
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Randomize
