i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
