3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
