He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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