I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Randomize
