new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Randomize