We named our party play list daddy issues
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I think my moral compass just broke
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
