i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
