i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize