i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
