You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Randomize
