I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Tell her she can't have a vagina
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
