How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Randomize
