Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Couch. On fire.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize