I faked an abortion last night.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
All I want is dick and wine.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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