All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize