ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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