i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
