Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Randomize
