All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
