apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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