Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Come on in and take your pants off
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