____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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