How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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