I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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