I swear she didn't look like that last week.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
this hospital has no fireball
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
