is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
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