I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
40s are totally the cure
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
