Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
