The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
