i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
