WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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