I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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