My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
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