Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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