Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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