i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
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