the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
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