I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
