Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Randomize
