On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
