What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
