My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
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