Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
