Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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