Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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