So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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