Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
