I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Randomize
