Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Randomize
