She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize