the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
