I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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