Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
